December

Found myself in the arms of a stranger 

Never knew lust could come in the form of you I never thought to look in that direction but there you were
In the arms of a stranger…
I’ll pretend that everything is fine
let my imagination run amok because in the arms of a stranger is a great place to be
We become our desires yet not our fear
Let’s “Pretend This Is Love

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December

Flame

How can something as delicate as you burn so beautifully

It’s as if it was meant to happen
As if what we had needed any more heat, you add the flames
And it burns to my roots
Like a rose on fire
We watch the petals fall and burn together
We witness the smoke and unite at the ashes
-Timatimeline

Flame

Nunca (Never)


Utopia comes to mind when I think of you

Even with all the wrongs all I see is you
So many words yet none express how I feel or what you mean to me
My soulmate not my partner
I love you without words
I dream of you with no memory
You’re always with me every where I go
You creep on my skin and in my bed
You wet my sheets and keep my warm
You kiss me good night and disappear by sunlight
My moon and star please never leave 
-Nunca

Nunca (Never)

III

So this is where I am currently at: Questioning the past with just one phone call. On Saturday June 18, 2016 at 8:36 you called me. The number looked familiar but I thought to myself it couldn’t be. What could he want after three years? Three fucking years what do you want?! I doubled check and it was him. At 8:36pm it was him.
As I rest my head on my sweethearts lap it was him. What do you want after THREE years. Show off your success, forgiveness, peace of mind, more gloating, an understanding, a reunion?

What do you want?

I am happy. Nothing is going right. I am struggling in ways you can’t imagine, I quit my job, I’m thinking of things that are morally wrong, I am emotionally unstable, I am in school thinking of a ways to pay for school. I am a mess but he accepts me. Although he knows none of this, my sweetheart accepts me. I have no money, I am on E and for some reason I’m happy, not a care a in the world. I’m still driving around in my old Chevy. I am a hot mess. I’m lazy as hell at times, I get easily distracted by social media and random thoughts that  pop in my mind. Yet, I believe in myself just to lazy to put in the work. I can make up a dozen valid excuses for it.

Honestly I don’t know what is wrong with me.

Through all of this all I can think is what do you want ?
As I inhale this smoke.

What the FUCK do you want. I’m here baffled trying to get this out of my system so I can stop thinking about it. It’s my version of therapy. It’s been 3 years and the last thing I  heard about you is not something I want to get into right now. That’s the last thing I ever heard. I never bothered to call or confront you about it because although I cared to know I didn’t because of all the lies and because I was afraid that if I listened to you speak I would believe them.
-Timatimeline

III

12:46

She just had a melt down

They’re needed every now and then.
You know, when you feel like walls are caving in.

We have all been through things.
Emotionally, I know we can all relate
Don’t take things for granted, don’t complain is my view
But it’s good to release that built up

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not allowed to feel a certain way. You’re allowed to feel and do whatever the hell you want.

12:46